Tag Archives: girlfriend

What Women Want.NOT

I am shocked by the number of times I’ve heard women listing ‘sense of humor’ as the topmost quality they want in the man of their dreams, over qualities that seems obvious-beautiful face, not Chetan Bhagat, and etc etc. I am ‘shocked’ because from first hand experience, I can assure you, they are lying.

I realized very early, that ‘love at first sight’ can only happen if you look like Hrithik Roshan (this doesn’t apply to HARMAN BAWEJA), or if you are standing really, really far way from the girl and if, well, the girl likes to fall in love with people who are really far away. Unfortunately I don’t look like Hrithik Roshan and I am very recognizable from really really far away, so I realized ‘Love at first sight’ is not the thing for me. So I decided to entice women with my superhuman stock of ‘Knock Knock’ jokes.

But that was in vain too. I spent an entire childhood trying to make girls laugh at my jokes but failed miserably… because, let’s face it, the joke kind-of dies at ‘Knock Knock?’ ‘Get lost, loser!’. But I didn’t give up. I had to try and get girls to relate ‘funny’ with my personality, and not just my looks. So I’d prepare jokes at home, memorize them in my superhero brain, and then, during an ongoing conversation with a hot girl, try and intelligently, shrewdly and carefully take the conversation in the direction of the topic I had a joke prepared on. Something like this:

Me: Hey, hot girl.

Hot girl: *Puke*

Me: Oh, speaking of which, did you hear this joke about racism, religion, chauvinism, ugly people and anything else that would be sure to offend you in general?

Hot girl: *Complains to teacher*

What Women Want. NOT.
It took me more failures than Uday Chopra to understand that being called funny by a girl, is NO.4 on the list of things girls calls guys, whom they don’t want to be their boyfriend, after ‘bhaiyya’, ‘NICE PERSON’ and a ‘MANAGEMENT GRAD’ (All of which I soon ended up becoming TOGETHER, by the way).
Here’s a fact: I was reading a magazine’s ‘Most Desirable Men’ list (I had bought the magazine because of the bikini girl on its cover and NOT because of this list, I swear)… and guess what I found on it? Names of allll 5-6 and above-pack guys. Guess who I DIDN’T find on it? Johnny Lever. Rajpal Yadav. Archana Puran Singh. ME.

Seriously, even if you take the most not good looking guys who have something else going for them (good body, good relatives, good profession) and compare them with the funniest guys with similar perks, the results are obvious:

Abhishek Bachchan – Not funny. Is married to AISHWARYA RAI.

Vs

Govinda – Very funny. Not married to Aishwarya Rai.

Harman Baweja – Not funny. Dated PRIYANKA CHOPRA.

Vs

Navjot Singh Siddhu – Very funny. Came close to dating Shekhar Suman.

Emraan Hashmi – Not funny. Kissed MANY HOT GIRLS.

Vs

Ritesh Deshmukh – Very funny. Was offered Dostana.

And that’s the truth of the matter, people. Let’s not lie to the world and admit it once and for all – Funny guys in males are the equivalent of BHARTIYA NARIS in females. Everyone wants to marry them, but no one wants to have sex with them.

Sigh.


Advantages of Being Single-II (Top-10)

This note is basically for men, but I guess most of it can apply to all single persons out there.
No matter where you look, from movies to magazine ads, men are always being told that they need a woman to be happy. And while the company of a lady does have its boons, there are benefits to flying solo as well.
The single life is replete with liberties that you could not imagine. Here are the top 10 reasons you should consider taking a hiatus from the relationship arena and remain single.

10. You don’t have to tolerate moodiness & nagging

Fellas, how many times have you been in the doghouse because your woman was livid for reasons you still don’t understand? Relish not being the target of her inexplicable mood swings, and the calm that comes when there’s no nagging. When you wake up on the couch, you’ll know it’s because you chose to pass out there.

9. You can gain weight without worrying

Just as you can spend more time buffing up at the gym, you can also just chill and let yourself go for a little while. When you’re not on the market, you don’t have to worry about looking like an Adonis every day. Go ahead and wear that threadbare Metallica T-shirt and those holey boxers. Enjoy the pleasure of occasionally being a slob. Just don’t go so far that you can’t trim down in time for when you decide to start hunting.

8. You can appreciate your independence

You can use your newfound free time for solitary fun, as well as self-improvement. Being single forces you to do things for yourself, like cook, do laundry and tidy up your pad. Being skilled at many things makes you a more complete, well-rounded person — a great card to hold when you decide to reenter the dating market.
Furthermore, independence is a great trait, and women will likely notice that you’re not the needy, clingy type.

7. You can control your finances

If you’ve ever been in a serious relationship, you know that, sooner or later, a good chunk of your budget goes into steady lady-maintenance costs. Bachelorhood gives you full financial freedom, and you never have to worry about paying for dinner or buying presents.
However, understand that this does not mean that you will save money — on the contrary; you might be spending more on partying, buying drinks, dressing well, and so on. But at least you are the master of every single buck you spend.

6. You have more time for activities

When you’re single, you have no reason to sit around doing nothing. Want to harden your body at the gym? Play a new instrument? How about watch the Die Hard trilogy for the 11th time? Who’s stopping you?
You can even use the time that you’d spend pleasing a demanding girlfriend to hang with the boys. After all, isn’t neglecting your friends one of the biggest sacrifices of couplehood?
Look forward to being spontaneous, not having to answer to anyone and flirting like crazy…

5. You don’t have to deal with another’s personal habits

You used to cringe when she used your razor to shave her legs, and the scented candles she burned in every room made you sick. Now there’s no irritating habits to tolerate. You can sleep peacefully without her snoring and hog all the blankets without a care in the world. You have no one to pick up after but yourself. Give your patience a well-deserved break and live in unflustered.

4. You can be spontaneous

Being single lets your break out of the numbing cycle of routine. Be daring while you can. Go on a fishing trip with your crew at the drop of a hat. Push it further and head out on a wild Spring Break surrounded by gorgeous college women. Not only will you be doing something out of the ordinary, you can do it without double-checking with someone else first. This is the height of freedom.

3. You can focus on your career

Life is a juggling act in which you have to keep the many elements aloft, paying equal attention to each one. But if you let one drop, you can channel your forces to the remaining parts. In the absence of a relationship, you’ll have much more time to devote to your work. You can put in those extra hours on a project to impress your boss, and even take on something else. And you don’t have to worry about sacrificing your love life, as you’ll be single and vigorous.

2. You can be your own boss

Relationships are synonymous with compromise. You eventually have to sacrifice something you really like — a football game or extra cheese on your pizza — for the good of the pair. Use your single time to treat yourself a little more. In small doses, selfishness is good for the soul.
Being your own boss also means answering to no one. You went to a strip club? You got the scent of some woman’s perfume all over your clothes? Enjoy not having to explain your actions.

1. You can flirt as you please

Nothing is worse than that nagging voice in your head telling you that you shouldn’t be talking to this killer brunette in front of you. Being single gives you the complete freedom to flirt with whomever you want, whenever you want.
It also gives you the chance to sharpen your mojo so that, before you know it, you’ll be the master player on your block. Since you’re unattached, take this opportunity to master the art of seduction, and who knows what rewards you’ll reap.

The bright side of solitude
Everything has a good side; you just have to learn how to spot it. Society places too much importance on finding a mate, something your hormones are quick to enforce. The next time you get that pesky feeling that you have to be with someone, remember these 10 points, and you’ll savor the joys .