Disclaimer #1: The following few lines are in no way sarcastic, insulting or funny….In Guzaarish Hrithik Roshan aks for mercy killing as he has been paralysed for quite a while. Kudos to Hrithik for accepting such a challenging role and huge respect to people who suffers from this condition but still has the courage to move on with life.

Disclaimer #2: The rest of the article is sarcastic, funny and insulting in every way possible….
Does Hrithik REALLY LOOK like somebody who wants to die? I mean, even as a paraplegic he looks better than 10 Zayed Khans……not a comparison…..Okay, 10 Emraan Hashmis put together. Even though he didn’t work out for 12 effing years, he still had muscles bigger then KRK’s head (KRK’s head is huge coz of all the gas in it). Plus, all throughout the the movie, he had Ash’s cleavage for company. Not a bad company to have during times of distress.

But lets get real guys. The man who needed to be cast in this role should be somebody who REALLY LOOK like, he wants to die. I’ll make it easy, for future references on movies on death(for any reason). Here are some ‘actors’ who would fit in for such roles.

1. Mimoh
Mimoh probably would have applied for mercy killing the day he realized that his parents were not making some sort of noise but ‘MIMOH’ was actually his name. His application gained more ground when he realized that the yellow thing on his head was not some electrical wiring but was ACTUALLY his HAIR. The final nail in the coffin (see…how I smartly inserted another death related joke? See? See?) was when he realized all through out his debut film, ‘Jimmy’, the audience was laughing not because of his comic timing but coz of his face? On screen, we mean……or do we?

2. Fardeen Khan
Fardeen Khan’s biggest reason for not wanting to live is the fact, that instead of his wife, its he who got accidentally pregnant. And in some way the pregnancy did something to his face. On top of that he couldn’t even act, before the weight of the world dropped on his….well face. It is quite obvious that he will be super happy to do the role but we won’t be able to see the satisfaction that he will get coz of the….you know…..face situation.

3. Tusshar Kapoor
Tusshar Kapoor holds the unique distinction of being the winner of Biggest Loser Jeetega, even though he didn’t participate in it. His claim-to-fame is acting in roles where he was invisible (Tusshar Kapoor in and as GAYAB! Hahhaha!), was required to keep his mouth shut (He was such a big hit with his mouth shut in Golmaal that they made sure he didn’t speak in two more movies), or was required to complete the background furniture (in all other movies). The audience would love to see him in a role where apart from his mouth, even the rest of him can’t move about to cause further embarrassment to human civilization.

4. Ashmit Patel
Ever since everyone saw (we know what you did that summer!), in the iconic words of Dolly Bindra, Ashmit Patel’s ‘performance’ in his XXX-MMS, Ashmit Patel’s life “went for a toss”. “One after the other, life shot him with a dart, and like a broken arrow, he fell apart.”

No, that’s not OUR lame joke on you. That’s Patel’s lame joke on the world. If you STILL don’t know what we are talking about, search for Patel’s musical rap(e) attempt, ‘Apni kahani apni zubaani’ on the internet. After seeing the video, you’ll understand why Patel would want to kill himself, and honestly, we’d not hold it against you, if you’d want to kill yourself too.

5. Archana Puran Singh
Oh wait… we totally forgot that the paralysis ends at the neck… you can’t paralyse that laughter. And oh wait… We were supposed to be talking about men here. (Deliberate pause to imply what needs to be implied) …Oh wait.


About Krishnendu Sanyal

I am an introverted, indifferent sort of person. I am not necessarily emotional or really hateful, though I can be. I am just not bubbly and happy all the time like. In fact, I probably have a hard time putting up with people who ARE happy all of the time. I am intelligent and artistic, and maybe a little bit of a loner. I do have friends, I just don't mind being alone. Gives me time to think. I am little blunt, and I usually tell it like it is. I am classy, and simplicity goes a long way with me. I can be a little off-beat, my interests may not go with "the norm". As for my friends, I love them deeply. I may not have many close friends, but I choose them carefully. I am incredibly loyal to my friends, and they know they can count on me. I can do just about anything for them, and they know it. I don’t show my feelings so much, but I have feelings. Deep ones, too. I feel things deeply, and I can be passionate - I just don't show it. My sense of humor is probably a little dark, but I do love to laugh. I can be totally crazy when I open up, but I rarely do. Me, in a nutshell: Classy, introverted, loyal, a bit of a loner, unique, edgy, deep, artistic, crazy (rarely), intelligent. BLACK! . View all posts by Krishnendu Sanyal

One response to “Mercy…….

  • Sayani Mukherjee

    another brilliant read….
    to put it in a precise n concise manner…i liked the two disclaimers…n i liked the next 5 points.
    an unique take on “Guzaarish”…i can bet any amount of money on the fact that neither Hrithik nor SLB could have thought of connecting the Mercy Plea with the above mentioned “paralyzed” actors. ……n the fact that Mimoh comes right at the beginning…at point 1….well….he is kinda the worst case…so its kinda appropriate to put him at the top of the pile!!

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