Monthly Archives: December 2010

No, We can’t be Friends. Please Die!

Break Ke Baad may not be the best film to have come out this year (that’s because HISSS came out this year), but Deepika Padukone elevates it to a must-watch for two reasons. One, she is a GODDESS and we love her and worship her dimples and wish our girlfriends looked just like her!!!!!!!!! And two, her character in the film is EXACTLY how girls, who all boys hate, are. Fondly known as, ‘b**ch’.

The story of Break Ke Baad, if you unfortunately suffer from the IQ of Rahul Mahajan and have still not figured out, is the story of a couple that breaks up and tries to deal with what happens after that. And what happens after that is the story of EVERY couple. The guy still stays in love, while the girl turns into a b**ch.

No, no. We are not being sexist here (we are only sexist in articles about Justin Bieber… mostly because we are confused about the sex). It’s a general rule – even when there is an equal girl to boy ratio, the likelihood of a girl getting a boyfriend is >>>>>>>>> that of a boy getting a girlfriend (unless that girl is Justin Bieber… see what we meant?). That gives girls an unfair higher power over boys (that they then wield during the time they are making the creatives for their Women’s Equality slogans). This power also comes into play once the break up happens.

Sleeping (or not) with the devil

And that’s pretty much what Break Ke Baad showcases – how girls turn from sweet, adorable, seemingly-naïve and cute Barbie dolls into heartless, b**chy, Dolly Bindra-versions of the devil that enjoy ripping your heart out and then play table tennis with it. The devil that “just wants to be friends” and who feels that “ANY GIRL would be lucky” to have us (which is a polite way of saying they want our souls).

We’d imagine the same has happened with EVERY one of us guys. Girls breaking up with us and then doing the puppy eyes-thing and begging us to “please be friends” because they cannot live without us. But of course, they can’t live WITH us, can they? And obviously, guys, the gullible creatures we are, can’t say no, and so, we agree, even though we’d rather get hit in the nuts.

And that’s where Break Ke Baad falters too. It’s like every other real life situation where the guy gives in to the all-powerful ex-girlfriend who wants to suck our blood… “but only in a friendly manner”. For once, we expected the guy (we are talking about Imran Khan… yes, underneath that face, there IS a guy… apparently) to give it back to the b**ch! “No, we can’t be friends, you evil, heart-ripping female re-incarnation of Hitler, you modern-day Bindu, you Kumolika! Please die.”

Reality bites

But of course, no guy’s been brave enough to say that and survive. No one’s usually even been brave enough to THINK that. While upar-upar se guys are saying, ‘Yes, of course we’ll be friends forever, of COURSE *puts cool shades on*’, in our heads we are thinking, “PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE TAKE ME BACK!!!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!! BAA-WAA-HAA *crying* BAA WAA HAA. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!! I’LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU! WASH YOUR FEET, MANICURE YOUR NAILS AND EAT YOUR LEFTOVERS!! TAKE ME BAAAAAACK!”

But thankfully, we hold that back (well, at least, some of us do). And act all cool outside, while dying little by little inside. Until everything is dead (well, ALMOST everything – the cool shades live on, you know!). That’s pretty much what happens in Break Ke Baad too. And for that, we hope the movie works, so people get to know the face-2 of those two-faced girls. And the plight of those poor guys… of US poor guys.

[Originally posted in MTV blogs]

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Advantages of Being Single-II (Top-10)

This note is basically for men, but I guess most of it can apply to all single persons out there.
No matter where you look, from movies to magazine ads, men are always being told that they need a woman to be happy. And while the company of a lady does have its boons, there are benefits to flying solo as well.
The single life is replete with liberties that you could not imagine. Here are the top 10 reasons you should consider taking a hiatus from the relationship arena and remain single.

10. You don’t have to tolerate moodiness & nagging

Fellas, how many times have you been in the doghouse because your woman was livid for reasons you still don’t understand? Relish not being the target of her inexplicable mood swings, and the calm that comes when there’s no nagging. When you wake up on the couch, you’ll know it’s because you chose to pass out there.

9. You can gain weight without worrying

Just as you can spend more time buffing up at the gym, you can also just chill and let yourself go for a little while. When you’re not on the market, you don’t have to worry about looking like an Adonis every day. Go ahead and wear that threadbare Metallica T-shirt and those holey boxers. Enjoy the pleasure of occasionally being a slob. Just don’t go so far that you can’t trim down in time for when you decide to start hunting.

8. You can appreciate your independence

You can use your newfound free time for solitary fun, as well as self-improvement. Being single forces you to do things for yourself, like cook, do laundry and tidy up your pad. Being skilled at many things makes you a more complete, well-rounded person — a great card to hold when you decide to reenter the dating market.
Furthermore, independence is a great trait, and women will likely notice that you’re not the needy, clingy type.

7. You can control your finances

If you’ve ever been in a serious relationship, you know that, sooner or later, a good chunk of your budget goes into steady lady-maintenance costs. Bachelorhood gives you full financial freedom, and you never have to worry about paying for dinner or buying presents.
However, understand that this does not mean that you will save money — on the contrary; you might be spending more on partying, buying drinks, dressing well, and so on. But at least you are the master of every single buck you spend.

6. You have more time for activities

When you’re single, you have no reason to sit around doing nothing. Want to harden your body at the gym? Play a new instrument? How about watch the Die Hard trilogy for the 11th time? Who’s stopping you?
You can even use the time that you’d spend pleasing a demanding girlfriend to hang with the boys. After all, isn’t neglecting your friends one of the biggest sacrifices of couplehood?
Look forward to being spontaneous, not having to answer to anyone and flirting like crazy…

5. You don’t have to deal with another’s personal habits

You used to cringe when she used your razor to shave her legs, and the scented candles she burned in every room made you sick. Now there’s no irritating habits to tolerate. You can sleep peacefully without her snoring and hog all the blankets without a care in the world. You have no one to pick up after but yourself. Give your patience a well-deserved break and live in unflustered.

4. You can be spontaneous

Being single lets your break out of the numbing cycle of routine. Be daring while you can. Go on a fishing trip with your crew at the drop of a hat. Push it further and head out on a wild Spring Break surrounded by gorgeous college women. Not only will you be doing something out of the ordinary, you can do it without double-checking with someone else first. This is the height of freedom.

3. You can focus on your career

Life is a juggling act in which you have to keep the many elements aloft, paying equal attention to each one. But if you let one drop, you can channel your forces to the remaining parts. In the absence of a relationship, you’ll have much more time to devote to your work. You can put in those extra hours on a project to impress your boss, and even take on something else. And you don’t have to worry about sacrificing your love life, as you’ll be single and vigorous.

2. You can be your own boss

Relationships are synonymous with compromise. You eventually have to sacrifice something you really like — a football game or extra cheese on your pizza — for the good of the pair. Use your single time to treat yourself a little more. In small doses, selfishness is good for the soul.
Being your own boss also means answering to no one. You went to a strip club? You got the scent of some woman’s perfume all over your clothes? Enjoy not having to explain your actions.

1. You can flirt as you please

Nothing is worse than that nagging voice in your head telling you that you shouldn’t be talking to this killer brunette in front of you. Being single gives you the complete freedom to flirt with whomever you want, whenever you want.
It also gives you the chance to sharpen your mojo so that, before you know it, you’ll be the master player on your block. Since you’re unattached, take this opportunity to master the art of seduction, and who knows what rewards you’ll reap.

The bright side of solitude
Everything has a good side; you just have to learn how to spot it. Society places too much importance on finding a mate, something your hormones are quick to enforce. The next time you get that pesky feeling that you have to be with someone, remember these 10 points, and you’ll savor the joys .


The Loner

When I’m alone, I’m alone with myself,
But alone may not be what it seems.
For myself can be trusted to always be there
And never makes fun of my dreams.

But myself knows myself and accepts what it finds,
And makes no demands on my soul.
So I cling to that heart where the best of me lives,
for that clinging makes sure that’s it’s whole.

I peel away slowly the armor I wear,
That armor protects all that’s me.
And the me that’s inside is fragile indeed,
It’s been hidden where no one can see.

When I hold onto me, it’s not that I’m cold,
It’s not that I don’t want to share.
It’s all that I’ve learned and the grip of my mind
That makes any sharing so rare.

My ego is tender, it’s what makes me, me.
I hide it behind a closed door.
I open that door just a crack at a time,
And only a crack, never more.